I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need to calm my uterus...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
