I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize