I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
