can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
