I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
