i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
