i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
