Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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