Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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