I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
