lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
