WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
