No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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