dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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