god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
