the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
