I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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