I can't breathe out the right side of my face
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
