I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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