i jhust puked up my retainher.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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