Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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