just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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