I saw his package. It spoke to me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize