the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
