just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
