He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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