yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
