I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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