I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
