just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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