I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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