textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize