I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
