He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
