saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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