i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize