U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
