Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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