He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
