Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
