Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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