can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
