i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize