I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize