Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
