I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
