I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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