Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
