i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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