i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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