Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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