I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
