so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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