The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
