good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
