I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
