I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
