Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
