I'm really into asian looking animals
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
