I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
