dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
