That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
