I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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