Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
