Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
