Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
