just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
