Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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