I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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