Got a toothbrush?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
