I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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