It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize