My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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