im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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