I'm passing your future prison.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
