dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
