So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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