We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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