you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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