batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
