so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I touched a dick in church today
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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