I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
someone owes me an orgasm
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
