When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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