Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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