I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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