From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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