Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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