He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Drunk is not a location!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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