If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
